The finest gift you'll ever give your woman.
A luxury skincare ebook that "scientifically proves" the most powerful serum on Earth is produced by... you.A prank that will spice up your relationship.
Your woman spends thousands on creams.
A £240 serum. Another for £160. Collagen, peptides, hyaluronic acid, "growth factors" from Swiss laboratories.What if you told her there's a formula that leaves all of it behind — and it's completely free?
A pseudoscientific masterpiece.
19 pages written in the tone of a luxury dermatological publication. So convincing, many women will actually believe it.
Bio-identity
An explanation of why synthetic growth factors achieve "only 5–8%" of the efficacy of the natural one.
Spermidine & autophagy
Citations from Nature Medicine 2016, 4,200 peer-reviewed papers. All real — the interpretation is yours.
Enzymatic freshness
Why application MUST happen within 3–5 minutes of collection. Protein denaturation kinetics.
The donor protocol
Zinc, selenium, polyphenols, 3L of water a day — a 14-day optimisation program for the gentleman.
The 28-day ritual
A clinically structured nightly mask protocol. With photographic documentation on day 1, 7, 14, 21, 28.
Bibliography
Arakawa et al. 2017, Eisenberg et al. 2016. Real sources. Absurd conclusions.
An investment in your love life.
More intimacy
Shared laughter is the strongest aphrodisiac. An excuse for a conversation you'd never dare to start otherwise.
Breaking the taboo
A subject that's hard to bring up — served on a silver platter in the form of an elegant, pseudoscientific ebook.
A richer sex life
Men who gifted this book report an increase in both frequency and quality. (Yes, that's a joke too. But it works.)
The prank of the year
A story you'll be telling friends for years. Priceless.
What husbands are saying
"Wife read it Friday night. Sunday morning — we're still laughing. Best £4.99 I've spent this year."
"She said "you're an idiot" and kissed me. Mission accomplished."
"Bought it as an anniversary joke. Now all my mates want the link."
Order now
PDF ebook · 19 pages · instant delivery
- ✓ Full ebook in PDF format
- ✓ Elegant print-ready edition
- ✓ Lifetime access
- ✓ Instant delivery to your inbox
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All sales are final · No refunds
Frequently asked questions
Is this really a joke?+
Yes. The ebook is 100% a humorous product. It cites real publications but draws absurd conclusions from them. Classic pseudoscientific satire.
Will my partner be offended?+
We know plenty of couples who still bring it up at dinner. You know her best — judge for yourself.
Is the content vulgar?+
No. The language is at the level of a medical publication. It's precisely the contrast between form and subject that creates the comic effect.
When will I receive the ebook?+
Instantly after payment — the PDF download link is sent straight to your email.
What is your refund policy?+
All sales are final — we do not offer refunds. The product is delivered as a digital download immediately after purchase, which means the buyer obtains full access to the content the moment payment clears. Unfortunately, a small number of bad-faith buyers exploit refund policies on digital goods (buy → download → request a refund), and to protect the project we cannot offer refunds. By completing your purchase you confirm you understand and accept this.
Important notice
The Biogenic Protocol is a product of an exclusively humorous and satirical nature. The contents of the ebook are a parody of scientific publications and should not be treated as medical, dermatological or cosmetological advice.
The ebook is in no way intended to encourage, persuade or coerce any person into intercourse, sexual activity or any other activity against their will. All intimate relations must be based on the full, voluntary and informed consent of both partners.
The author and seller accept no responsibility for any misuse, improper use or interpretation of the content by persons who have purchased the product. By buying the ebook, you confirm that you understand its satirical nature and take full responsibility for how you use it.